Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
