it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
