This is not my ceiling
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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