i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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