i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
