we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
