so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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