u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
