so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just blew my weed a kiss
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
