the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
