I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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