rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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