I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
