He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
