Screwed.edu
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
