i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
