i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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