She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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