dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
