Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
