Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
