I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
