there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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