he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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