I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
