I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
