Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
