i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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