Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
