dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
