the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
