eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
