her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
