My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
