the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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