if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
