It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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