The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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