Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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