Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
