WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm at about main and main street
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
