The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
