I'm really into asian looking animals
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
