My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
