This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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