oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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