um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
