Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
