I faked an abortion last night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
