And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
