I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
