Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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